The Fat Sandwich (the greatest thing to come from the Garden State) . . Daniel O'Brien from Cracked.com

This next suggestion comes from Daniel O'Brien, assistant editor, senior writer and columnist over at Cracked.com.  I used to read Cracked when it was still a physical magazine, and yes the first time I bought was when I went to the store and they were sold out of MAD.  Then I found myself buying both magazines. Until they raised the price to $2.25, and as a child without any sort of income I stopped buying them and switched my full allegiance to comic books (until that "Death of Superman bullshit, when I had to buy 5 different comics just the follow the story line, at that point I just stopped).  I was told that Cracked was revived as a website, I checked it out periodically, however I did not start making it a daily event until I came across Dan's article 'Watchmen' Fan Cordially Invites Fox to Eat Several Dicks. When I eventually got back to work after the holidays I forwarded the link to every comic book fan in the office. From that point on I became a regular visitor. It was that article that made me a fan.

So this post is rather long, I had decided early on that I was going edit the suggestions that I received to shorten and remove the "sorry to hear about the colon etc." parts.  However I can't bring myself to do it for this one. Almost every word is pure gold.  

Daniel Wrote:

"First of all, I’m very sorry about the Ulcerative Colitis. My colon and I don’t always get along, but I can’t imagine life without him. That really sucks, brother, but at least it looks like you’re handling it like a total champion.

Meanwhile, food. You’ve come to the right place, as I think about food, let’s say, all day every day.

Philosophically, it makes sense for your last meal to be something wildly unhealthy for you, right? Any time you decided to not eat something because it was too fatty or had too much sugar or too much bacon or whatever? Those times are gone. This is your last meal and all bets are off. My knee-jerk, then, is a delicious and filling yet impossibly unhealthy meal, and for that I’d like to direct your towards the Fat Sandwich.

As an undergrad in Rutgers University, (New Brunswick, New Jersey), I had a lot of these fat sandwiches. A fat sandwich is just an impossible amount of food in a sandwich. (Menu here) You can put whatever you want on the sandwich, but here are a few to get your mind in the right place:

Fat Darrel: Chicken fingers with two mozzarella sticks, French fries, lettuce, tomatoes and marinara sauce.

Fat Vavavoom: Cheesesteak with two mozzarella sticks , French fries, bacon, marinara, lettuce and tomato.

Fat Blunt: Cheesesteak with pork roll, egg, mozzarella sticks, French fries, mayo, ketchup, lettuce and tomato.

Fat Phillipino: Cheesesteak with chicken fingers, mozzarella sticks, gyros meat, French fries, white sauce, lettuce and tomato.

Fat R.U. Grill: Double cheese burger with mozzarella sticks, chicken fingers, bacon, egg, French fries, mayo, ketchup, lettuce and tomato.

And they look like this:

They’re incredibly tasty, incredibly filling, and INCREDIBLY terrible for you. Just awful. I used to eat them two at a time, because I hated myself, I guess.

Meanwhile, as long as you’re in New Brunswick eating fat sandwiches, you should head over to Tumulty’s on George Street. You can grab a beer, and they have decent burgers and sandwiches but, honestly, the thing to get at Tumulty’s is the buffalo wings. They have the best buffalo wings on the entire planet. I moved from Jersey a few years ago and I miss those wings every single day.

Hope this helps.

Best,

-Daniel"

Now some notes on this.  

1)Daniel scores points for providing multiple suggestions. Not only am I mildly salivating, but my heart is starting to hurt from just reading the descriptions.

2) What is a "pork roll"? Is it some sort of classy "pig in a blanket"?

3)After checking out the menu,and seeing that the average price for one of these Fat sandwiches is $5, it reaffirms my belief that in America everything bad for you is cheap and plentiful. Which is why I love America.  If this place sold cigarettes and whiskey I would make it my new home.

In addition to his Watchmen article, his article on his article on the phenomena of "Icing" is another suggested read..

Daniel can be found at Cracked.com , writing his column Dan Dan Revolution  as well as starring in the on going serial Agents of Cracked.or you can follow him as @DOB_INC on Twitter.

- Jason