Good Night Sweet Prince

For the remainder of this post, please play the song "The Final Countdown" by Europe

So the date has been set.  June 24th 2011.  I'm not sure how I feel about it. On one hand it was inevitable, I've know it was coming for some time now.  But it was always sometime in the future, it was intangible, but now it's defined.  The there is a definitive point in my life where I will no longer have a colon.

In addition to searching for my colon's "last meal", I plan on eating en masse, not particularly mass amounts of food, but with friends, large groups of them. Food by itself is just something to eat, to doesn't become a meal unless you enjoy it with others***.

Last Saturday I was at a bar with a couple of friends, and after I told them the date one of them said something along the lines of "There it is, you have five months of feasting".  As I write this* I'm currently sitting in an airport lounge drinking free alcohol and eating mediocre food.** And it's true there is five months left for my colon to experience all that it can.

*I had planned on writing this post a couple of days ago, when it would have actually been 5 months of feasting, but technical difficulties have plagued my connection, i think it's my router.
**While technically not free, I paid $30 to get in, I have 3 hours to kill as my flight to England was delayed, I figured it's either pay a lot of money for okay food, or pay slightly more for okay food and an open bar#.
***By "enjoy it with others" I mean a massive party which will be considered a failure unless some get alcohol poisoning. Everyone is in invited##
#I know for a fact I can drink $30 in 3 hours.
## Everyone except Scott+ (that guys' a dick)
+ Specifically Scott Campbell of Mississauga^
^A group of us were at the Artful Dodger@ for my birthday party 4 years ago, while I was out smoking that asshole made some racists comments, almost got into a fight, and then left leaving me with his bar tab.
@I really recommend the Artful Dodger as a location for a birthday gathering.

Suggestions from other people with dodgy tums

About 6 months ago during one of my hospitals stays* this year I decided to join a forum for people with IBD.  doctor's can only answer so much and only from a specific point of view, whereas the people here have lived through and give tips and provide support that medical practitioners can't.

The people on the board have become friends in addition to being a valuable resource. There are people with Crohn's, Colitis, others who have had the same surgery I'm going to have, people how have had the reversal, some people who went back to the bag after the reversal. The experiences shared have been more than helpful.

Some time ago I asked them for their suggestions, I mentioned in my post about Mike McCready that there are a great deal of people with IBD who suggest very simple things. I received suggestions ranging from vague and depending on the mood at the time to very, very specific. I can't share all of them, I won't post those that have suggested seafood**, I was never going to consider those to begin with.

Kelly suggested the hottest wings at Bernie & The Boys in Drumheller, Alberta. Her reasoning is "If the colon's coming out, you might as well push it to its max first".
I've received this from a few people usually with the phrase "make it pay" attached to it.***
TMos in the same vein gave the suggestion of  "Dude, WRECK IT!!! KFC!", this idea was seconded by 2thFairy with a solid "YES!!"#. 




Lucy stated I "should add a good salad along with it... There are so many of us who miss salad and may never eat it again." ##


There are two that stood out the most.


Astra101 had planned an entire evening for me based around my meal, "for your last supper it should be something British traditional like Roast Beef and Yorkshire Puddings, all the veg, gravy, followed by Apple Pie and Custard and a glass of red wine, followed by cheese and crackers, then After Eight mints, then a lie down in front of the telly!"
I can get behind that meal, I might switch out the roast beef for a turkey breast but she's on the right track.


The other one who had a stand out meal was semicolon306. He has gone through pretty much everything and has a permanent ostomy.  What he share wasn't so much a suggestion for me, but what his colon's last meal was. He had people running all around the town for him.
"as soon as I found out I sent the family to all the places I wanted food from

McDonalds fries
Dairy Queen Hamburger, milk shake, and ice cream
Taco Bell chick burrito x 2
KFC for mash potatoes
Burger King for onion rings"

I sympathise with this. During my third hospital stay I started a list in my head of everything I was going to eat.  I had been in the hospital for a week on a liquid diet (my friend Pollie referred to this as my "kill list").  It was very specific.

It was: pierogies  with cheddar cheese, cabbage rolls, red beans and rice from Popeye's and a chicken fried steak.

I rarely eat any of those things, in fact I've only ever eaten chicken fried steak once###.  But for some reason after spending a week living on only boost and gingerale it seemed like the most perfect food in the world.

I still have yet to finish my kill list.

*I now find hospitals to be rather restful, like a mini vacation. Except it doesn't cost me money, and I'm given morphine (over the course of the summer I was able to watch Top Chef Masters, I highly recommend it)
**Sorry Dusty
**A friend suggested that I take my entire "do not eat list" and have that as my final meal to punish it for the last couple of years.
#I was actually in Kentucky about 6 years ago, the KFC does not taste any better there.  And they have all you can eat KFC buffets.  As it turns out all I can eat is not a whole lot of KFC. 
## I went to a dietician yesterday, as it turns out my avoidance of insoluble fibre has lead to an meat heavy diet lacking almost entirely of proper vegetables.
### Specifically the chicken friend steak was from Shanghai Cowgirl