SO about the surgery date. . .

On Monday I had my pre-surgery appointment.
It was magical, they drew blood. poked at my stomach, took medical history.  They also drew a lovely black spot on my tum. They then covered it with a weird medical tape and told me if the tape falls off and it starts to fade, that I need to draw over top of it.

They also informed me that my surgery has moved.  Instead of it being next Friday, it's now on Tuesday.  Which means I am really running out of time.  I had planned for a leisurely weekend full of gluttony, alcoholism and general debauchery. Followed by a couple days of recovery, and then the last meal, and then surgery.

Now it is all fucked up, because they needed my slot for someone else*. It's not like I'm calling a restaurant for a last minute reservation, I booked this shit back in February.  My wonderful room mate has agreed to run around buying stuff for me, provided that I make a list**.

I need to figure out what the last solid food to go through my colon is. If I'm lucky I'll have an epiphany in a drunken haze and figured out what it will be#*.


*With that said it is for a cancer patient, but I need to assume that there are other patients who aren't as prepared as me.
** I cant make lists, I blank out every morning when I buy my standard breakfast of poptarts milk and cigarettes and the variety store#.
#Because I care about nutrition
#*As opposed to the last time I was in a drunken haze a long time ago^ and had a conversation with my mother, she called the following week and I had no recollection of the conversation ever taking place.
^By "a long time ago" I mean last week.

The demon's egg

Most people have some sort of a love/hate relationship with certain foods.  With IBD those relationships come frequently and often.  For me I've had some long standing ones, some that developed long before developing Ulcerative Colitis.

For me they are few and far between. I love orange soda*, however they are very few I can drink, and even then it's just Fanta that I can drink.  Avocados are similar, except there is no love, only hate.

I've always found avocados inherently creepy.  Visually it looks like a large black leathery egg, if a demon were to hatch from an egg , that egg would look like an avocado. Aside from the visual displeasing nature of its external features,when cut opens it continues to look like an egg.  The seed is presented in a manner that looks like a yolk, and the albumin is represented the squishy green interior. It is basically an egg of demonic standards.

Beyond the appearance they allegedly contain other worldly supernatural culinary abilities.  It is widely believed that if you make guacamole and then place the seed back in the bowl of guac it will magically extend the life of it and it will remain green for an extended period of time**.

That was my reasoning for not eating avocado.  When I was still cooking I joked about it, and even now years later I continue to.

At first I would jokingly not eat avocado, and then I committed to the bit.  It when from passively not eating it to actively avoiding it.  It was no longer about not wanting to eat it, but it became a matter of principle.  Not eating avocado became a lifestyle choice#.

Now here I am approaching surgery, my colon is dying and has never tasted avocado.  I am beginning to reconsider my choices, it's not necessarily that I want to avocado.  I could happily go my life never eating it.  But perhaps that is a selfish choice?

It's a tough decision to make.

Are there recommendations on which form to have it in? A certain dish?

 If I eat it it will be once and only once. Even if I like it will never eat it again.

*I'm also a fan of cherry coke, which is another beverage I can't drink, it gives me wicked heartburn.
**I don't actually believe this any more, although there are legions of chefs and laymen who do.  If anything it's probably because most guacamole recipes contain lime juice or some sort of citrus.  The ascorbic acid is what is probably delaying the oxidation.
#Very similar to not owning an umbrella*# or using heroin##.
*# I also don't own an umbrella, too much of a hassle.
##However I do not use heroin#*
#*Yet^.
^When I say "Yet", I mean eventually I'm going to have to try it^*.
^*I mean when I'm super old and close to death^^.
^^Seriously what else am I going to when I'm 55.
^#There is no reference for this foot note. But the song Prices of the Universe by Queen starts of awesome and half way through it really turns to shit.%
% I'm currently watching season 5 of the Highlander tv series on Netflix, they use the good part of the song for the theme music.